I was thinking now, he might be a right nutter. Or was that me? Yeah, I'd gone off to the WestEnd, hoping for some miraculous results, I suppose. That's what you get when you chase a dream.
Ste has that kind of longing face. You know, where you can't wait to see what its really about.
Now I felt I knew too much. It was a bit of luck to catch the train back. Although, my stomach rumble now. Possibly, my insides churned. I guess I might not ever be the same again.
I didn't want to think of last night. The drinks. The cheers. Yeah, it was a boys club, all right. Not a bit romance, you know. Just WILD BOYS with the old literature professor at the helm.
I sat back on my seat, hardly remembering any of it. My head throbbed into the rhythm of the heart of the train, as it rolled along. It was like saying goodbye, but to what?
I pushed my head to the glass of the carriage window, watching the houses roll by. then out of nowhere it appeared to me. Like some clue of last night. The clump of clothing in the grass.
I winced hard. Was I even here then? What if I was?
I gritted with a wince, thinking of last night. How many pubs did we exactly do? I felt as if I'd been in a cheering squad then. Making the rounds. Boasting claims of splendor.
Truly, I didn't find what I was searching for.
My Ste was not my kind, after all. What I knew now, that I wished I'd known then.
Yeah, he's easy on the eyes, selfish and truly full of crap.
I sighed, thinking its just as well I dunno him. Yet, I thought I knew what I wanted.
If only this ache in me would subside.
Bur the lump of clothing on the ground comes back to me. As if I would know. I would have to know?
Only, I think I'll puke instead, hoping there isn't a line at the loo.
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