At the moment all I feel is coldness like a very long winter in my mind. What has happened to Derry?
I want to figure it out. I want to know, something.
When I was small, I felt very certain God was guiding me, telling me to be good to do the right thing with respect for nature and those around me. And now I should know what that is.
But it doesn't feel so warm and golden anymore. Is that what age does to you?
Deep down, I know all those earthly possessions makes one weak and oblivious to what is really going on.
Sometimes, I wish I was five again. I might be a monk, gardening somewhere and appreciating nature. I'm not sure I believe anything anymore.
But yes, somewhere in my cold heart I believed in a higher calling. I believed we should be thankful for every day. I believed we should be humble and kind. I believed where I was going wasn't to stay here on earth.
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