Monday, September 10, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-what you wore today

I slept in the wife beater I wore yesterday and my Spiderman briefs my sister got me last Christmas.

You know, the usual. Old jeans and an old shirt and sneakers. I'm not one to spend money on clothes. I wear whatever they give me. This means, what my mom puts in my closet.

Granted, stuff I don't like I leave on the floor of my closet and occasionally she will take it away.

There was a time, I liked to wear hats, but I'm just not in the mood lately.

I guess I should ask Dad if he's got a suit. Granted, I can't remember ever seeing him in a suit.

But, I guess I should try to be decent, for Derry.

No matter what, I gotta wear sneakers. I just gotta. Unless its freezing out and then I'll wear waterproof work boots.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-Your beliefs

At the moment all I feel is coldness like a very long winter in my mind. What has happened to Derry?

I want to figure it out. I want to know, something.

When I was small, I felt very certain God was guiding me, telling me to be good to do the right thing with respect for nature and those around me. And now I should know what that is.

But it doesn't feel so warm and golden anymore. Is that what age does to you?

Deep down, I know all those earthly possessions makes one weak and oblivious to what is really going on.

Sometimes, I wish I was five again. I might be a monk, gardening somewhere and appreciating nature. I'm not sure I believe anything anymore.

But yes, somewhere in my cold heart I believed in a higher calling. I believed we should be thankful for every day. I believed we should be humble and kind.  I believed where I was going wasn't to stay here on earth.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-A moment

When I got the call from this guy that Derry works with, I thought a part of me was falling to pieces. And to imagine, I wasn't going to pick up, because I didn't know that phone number even if it was our area code.

My heart began to ache in anguish when he told me Derry hung himself.

"What?" I found my voice saying, but I wasn't sure I was really listening. I thought I might be in a stupor of some kind. Was Derry playing a bad prank, but I felt weak, yet angry in the same moment. Derry was found dead in his work shop.

He wanted to know if I knew anything that was upsetting him.

"Upsetting him?" I winced harder, hoping the bitter tears wouldn't surface. I felt so empty. Even if I screamed, would he hear me? I licked my dry lips and walked into the rain with my cell, just to walk back to the family kitchen to look for a cold beer.

I didn't know what else to do.

His co-worker said Derry had his hours cut back, and they'd lost contact. He then mentioned there had been no note.

I didn't really think about it, but now, it really bothers me. Derry didn't leave a note.

Friday, September 7, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-Your best friend

I've known Derry for at least over a decade now. He's a neighbor who lives with his Mom. I don't think I ever met his dad. I'm a few years older than him, but sometimes, I feel like he's the one who's getting old, instead of me. But we are still in our youth, so to speak. Although, I feel certain one day we will both wake up and think, "Where did it go?"

I like him enough, but he talks a lot. Usually, about some girl I've never met nor ever seen him with. I'm beginning to think Derry is just Derry and let him ramble all he wants.

He can't keep a job. He might be a little mental, but I don't think he'd ever do anything insane. I hope not.

I'm not sure I even want to bring up Sara, cause he'll question me. Like, "Sara with an H or without an H?' Some of his questions make my head hurt. What if he's just a figment of my imagination after all?

I think I know Derry. I know he'll eat a burger for breakfast with a beer. He might be an alcoholic, but that might be the tip of the iceberg. I truly wish he wasn't my best friend. But we've known each other since school. I wouldn't want to let him down.

Still, what if I find out one day he hung himself in the garage? I don't think he would do it, but he might.

He can be so high, full of laughter over nothing. Then there are days he's so dark and gloomy. I don't know if I can handle it.

If there were something between Sara and me, I just don't know if I can have Derry in my life. I know, I shouldn't blame it on Derry, but sometimes, he brings me down to the point of going nowhere.

I dunno if we can be best friends forever.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-Your day

I spent a good portion of the day with Derry. We'd played DOOM the night before. Yeah, I know, so many new games... why DOOM? It was the first game we played together. Yeah, we've known each other that long and he'd had some issues with his mom, spending so much time on that new game that's like a virus or some kind. Actually, I'm a little afraid to play it. Also, I might be a little afraid of Derry too.

This dude is full of conspiracies. Like last night he got to talking about that girl who was murdered when she went on a jog in her rural Iowa town. He seems to think its the FBI's doing. Maybe, even the president had something to do with it.

"Look, the dude blacked out. Maybe he was framed. Maybe it was all political." Derry sounded really happy about this, but I had to remind him, someone died.

"But, but the dude has a kid, a little daughter," Derry shot right back.

So yeah, I had listened all night, how the FBI was watching the guy and they framed him.

"It could happen to you." Derry pointed his finger at me.

Actually, he made me feel a little faint, but I got up in the morning and made Derry pancakes. He didn't talk about his conspiracies then. Still, I gotta tell you, it left me a lot to think about, long after he left. What if he's right?

So yeah, I did some recycling to help my mom after Derry left. I felt a little restless, and when I saw Sara out, walking in our neighborhood, I decided to walk with her.

"You, sure you should be walking alone?" I asked, thinking she didn't live around here, did she?

"My car has a flat and I thought if I got closer to work, I'd just hang out at the strip mall til my shift started." With a shrug, I asked her in and mom made a whole lot more of a stir-fry than I thought she would.

Sara didn't have breakfast anyway. Mom was all smiles. Especially, to see a skinny girl eat. Then dad arrived from God knows where and decided we'd all go take a look at Sara's flat tire.

It was a long day. My dad can fix tires. He made me check the oil. We got her car tended too.

"Jesus, Dad, you'd think we were getting married or something." I winced when I had a chance to talk to him about Sara. I really hadn't wanted to impress her, but she was so pleased and Dad said she might as well stay at our place until she went to work, to see if the tire was OK and I could ride with her to work.

This was the last thing I expected, but my mom and dad were smitten with her. It was as if they might like me after all if I'm with Sara.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-Your definition of love

I think we are all looking for a love story. Its just it might not be as epic as you'd hoped. Still, its the excitement of it that gets one started on a journey they didn't know they would be in.

Sure, I think attraction has something to do with it, but I think the most unusual aspect is when you choose it, so blindly.

I've watched a few Chinese dramas with my sister. And there is always that sign that something might be good between them when he gives her a piggyback ride, what's even funnier when she struggles to give him a piggyback ride. Still, in those period pieces where you see her hugging him from the back and they take each step together, united..that's when you know its real love.

Or so one hopes. Sure, we want to meet each other's needs, but in the end, enjoying each other company is probably what it amounts too. Even then, that can be a struggle.

Yes, we all have good intentions. Love is Love, they say.

But first, you have to ask yourself if you deserve it. Will you be responsible enough for it? I'm not sure I'm there yet. I'm barely responsible for myself. So I guess, what I'm saying, be there for yourself, first. And hope that it's not too late to meet that someone who's going to have your back too.

Of course, when we are young, there is that infatuation of wanting to give presents, flowers, the little things, just because. And then you wake up, realizing who that person really is.

I don't know if love is reasonable, but remember, you wouldn't want to be anywhere else, but the one you've chosen to be with.

At the moment, I'm fine being with Rex. We seem to understand each other..

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge-what you ate today

I don't really eat at home, you know, like breakfast since I sleep most of the morning. But there is still a little coffee by the time I get up, settle it down with a little milk and that tides me over, with of course a cigarette out on the back porch.

It was damp today, but not damp enough to keep a squirrel in its nest, so we had words. Naturally, not very nice words.

I know what you're thinking, it must take me a good long while to get up. I can't drink my coffee too fast. Its a good thing I don't have to be at work by eight, I might never make it.

It must have been late afternoon before I met Derry at the old diner. It is probably not the most healthiest place on earth. We ate cheeseburgers, fries and of course, limeade. We hung out for almost an hour, before I headed to the grocery store to start my duty with the grocery carts out in the parking lot. It was raining by then and I only had a couple of carts to chase down.

Took a smoke break with Carla, who talked a lot about her kids and her ex. I saw Sara in passing. I think she's got a boyfriend or something. I don't know. She's young, maybe still in high school. I've decided to stay away from her, even if I did have some coffee and leftover apple pie at the deli in the dining part of the grocery store.

She didn't really say much. Maybe she doesn't like me after all. I dunno why I would make her nervous. I mean, after all, she was the one who asked if I wanted to take a break with her. So I didn't say a whole lot.

The apple pie was warm. Just what I needed on a wet day like today. Kind of like her. Honestly, I didn't think she could be the type to make me smile, but she did. It was a sweet thought in my head, but I can't imagine it going anywhere. I bet she goes to college, sooner or later.

So I worked til midnight, came home and had a bowl of LIFE cereal. I watched a little TV, but it wasn't nearly as good as the thoughts of Sara streaming through my head.

Monday, September 3, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge - your parents

Well, they have always argued a lot, but never a fight. Or so I was told when I was very young. Naturally, I got a welp of a slap from my Dad and almost had to walk home on a dusty road.

Actually, I was talking about my cousins. I had to stay out in the country with them at my grandparents. When my dad asked me about it on the way back, I told him how Chrissy and Blake were fighting all the time. I could hardly stand it. I don't guess he was listening. Next thing I know he stopped the pickup in a cloud of dust, pulled me out, jerked me about and then came the slap.

This is where I learned that my parents never fight. They discussed things to great lengths. Yeah, I learned to keep my mouth shut after that.

My dad is part Lakota Sioux and he somehow got into the Airforce and met my mom who is part Japanese, but if you heard him he would just say, we're American and leave it with that. He didn't last in the Airforce all that long, cause I don't ever remember living on a base. What I do remember is him working on cars and running a gas station in a small Nebraska town, until things dried up and we moved to Omaha. Folks call him Lou, and he's kind of broad and big. He didn't always look that way, but he's a drinks his vodka, likes his Husker football and his buddies from where he works, fixing trucks out on the interstate.

As of yet, I have never gone to the place he works. I take after my mother, Meggy, who can be so quiet and kind, but when she's mad, you better move over. She pulls hair, and so much more. But they make up too. Thankfully, they don't fight all that much anymore. Maybe it was hard times back then, and I didn't know it.

Of course, they aren't folks to get anything new. So you won't find state of the art anything in our little shabby place. After all, my dad doesn't really fix anything unless he can tighten it up just a little.

We stay out of each other's way. My domain is the basement. It hurts his feet to walk downstairs. I usually have most of my conversations with my mother when she's doing his laundry. We might eat together on a Sunday night when we can, and of course, the holidays.

But we seldom invite anyone over. Sadly, that's just the way we are.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge - your first love

Um, it was unexpected. Seriously, at the time I didn't know Becca was my first love. After all, we were in elementary school. Just first grade. And I kissed her behind the old gym. It was quite passionate. Or so I thought.

Of course, I told her not to tell anyone. OK, so that might not have been our first kiss. Our parents were friends, and back in the day when we lived in the back of the store, which was just one big room, with the kitchen in the corner and only a little room with a toilet and shower. We had kissed on the cot behind the couch.

Our parents were at the kitchen table playing cards and they didn't think about us playing behind the couch. I can't remember what enlighten me most, being with her or the possibility of doing such a thing under or parents' nose.

We were soulmates then. But it didn't last til Valentine's day. She told my mom I was queer. She never was good at vocabulary. It makes me laugh when I think on it now. How my mother made her apologize. It kind of ended things with her family.

I asked her once later, why she'd used that word. She said it was a unique word. I told her it wasn't unique enough for me. Of course, I was in third grade and already smoking cigarettes by the time we had that conversation.

She travels now, mostly on her own. But I hear she's found water for some in third world countries.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

The 30 day Writing Challenge - Introduce yourself

Find out more about this challenge at Heck Yeah Tumbler.

My name is Mason Fish. Many will tell you I don't look like a Mason and I certainly don't look like a fish. Although my grandmother mentioned once I had Fish eyes. And the kids at school called me Fish, just because-and well, it stuck. Even my mom calls me Fish now.

I don't know if I'm all that significant. Sure, I've caught the eye of this one at a dance, or even at a picture show, but I'm possibly the laziest human on earth. I come from a long line of procrastinators who'd rather stay in their den than to get out there and be anyone's hero.

I just might be my very best own enemy. But then there is my dad, and maybe that's where I learned it from. So yeah, I might look like a runner, a soccer player or one who might know what LaCross was, but truth be told I'd rather be playing video games in the basement. Some might say I'm useless.

Technically, I guess I'm good looking, but I dunno if I've got the personality to go with it. Just don't have the energy for it, I guess. I'm good at tolerating most things. And I'm not one to get in a fight.

Not to say I haven't seen a few.

But at the moment I'm taking care of sales down at Family Fare with a price gun in hand. Might not be the most fabulous job in the world. At least, I've got my space in the basement and I have plenty of time to lounge with my dog Rex, who might have been a wolf in another life.