Thursday, July 15, 2010

on the road

OK, so the whole time I was talking to Father Gerard I was shaking. Really. It felt like the longest walk to his office for this talk. And sure I got what I came for. I know how the church condones all this. How wrong it is and so many terrible things I'm doing, at this point in my life. I'm just not the Catholic I'm suppose to be. But then he reminded me all the good things I had done, helping out with basketball and at the school. And how I'd make a good coach. A teacher anyone could trust.

Even so, he didn't say it, but I get the feeling he wants me to keep quiet about,

I mean, the whole purpose was to make this confession. & no, I didn't go to CONFESSION about it. Told him face to face. This is like defeating the purpose. Now isn't it? Really.

I'm tired of losing sleep and no appetite over all this. Its my life. And I have to live it the best I can. You know. I'm tired of being scared. I have to be me. And, and I'm not letting my Mom hold me back. I just have to gone. I have to.

I don't want to leave her behind, but I have to start my own family. I have to move on. I'm tired of stagnating.

Not that I wanted a parade or anything of me coming out or celebrating having a boyfriend. I just want to be stronger. Stronger about being who I am. What I am and loving who I'm with. Somehow, that alone helps me to be a better person to those around me. I just want to stay positive. And focus on the future.

Peace everyday.